Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
