You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
Randomize