last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
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