Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
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