So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
