I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Randomize
