I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
