I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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