he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Randomize
