Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize
