i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
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