so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
Randomize
