since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
