You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
