Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Randomize