I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
Randomize