Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
Randomize
