It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
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