if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
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