Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
I think a kid would responsible me up
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
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