It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
