I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
I don't think brook has ever known best
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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