i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
Randomize
