Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
Randomize
