I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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