I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
