so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
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