dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize