I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
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