i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
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