I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
