I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Randomize
