if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
if i died would you start the facebook group?
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
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