I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize