I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
