There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
