so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
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