Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Randomize
