if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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