You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
