You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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