I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
Randomize
