i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
Semen is not good for contacts.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
Randomize
