I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
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