Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize
