you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
no, he came in my armpit
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Randomize