for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
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