i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
