He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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