I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
