You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Randomize
