I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
