Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
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