i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
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