He asked to "fluff my boner.."
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
I cut my penus on the lid.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
