I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
