She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
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