I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize