I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Randomize
