My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
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