What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
Houston, we have a blender
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
Randomize
