My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
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