Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
