hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
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