He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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