Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
