Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
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