Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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