I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Randomize
