I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
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