I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
No more Irish car bombs ever.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Randomize
