There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
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