But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize
